Are You Controlling Your Own Life? Or Is Life Controlling You?

This week I wanted to share with you an old entry that I wrote on an earlier blog a few years ago – I hope you like it!

January 21st, 2010

There are so many things that I want to do, yet there never seems to be enough hours in the day. Never. I know that I am not the only one who thinks this way. In today’s day and age, many of us live our lives glued to our agendas.

Scheduling appointments for this. Booking times for that. Always filling up those free moments that lie in between with something we just have to do and get done.

With never ending to-dos lists, and calendars that are already filled until next December, it is no wonder that we tend to feel overwhelmed, bombarded, and constantly looking at the clock as a reminder that we are running out of time.

We look at the clock no longer as our friend, but rather an enemy.  minute.by.minute.it.ticks.counting.down.that.the.day.is.coming.to.an.end. BAMMMMMM!!!  Before you know it its 11 pm. How in the world did that day go by?? You may ask.

I didn’t even finish all that I planned to do! So you do whatever it is that you have to do to get yourself ready for the next busy day that is waiting for you to start at 7am.

Day-in and day-out this is how many people’s lives are. They are no longer the one in the driver’s seat. They are no longer the one’s calling the shots. Life is in fact in control. All of the responsibilities.

All of the obligations. All of the things that you are commented to. Bonded to. Must do. Because you have written it into that agenda of yours. That agenda that you have with you at all times, is what is in fact the controller of your life.

I am not saying you shouldn’t plan, or have an agenda. Anyone who knows me knows, I lovvvveeee agendas. However, there was a huge chunk of my life where I was living by what I found inside of there. By a daily list of things I had to do. Rather than things I really wanted to do.

Yet most of us don’t want to admit that to ourselves. At least I didn’t. Days turn into weeks, which turn into months. Before you know it another six months have passed and really nothing has changed. You still feel the same as you did six months prior.

I have had a difficult time balancing all that is important to me. Writing my book, writing this blog, working out, dancing, working, spending time with friends and family and me-time.

This is something I have been trying to get in order for months now, yet one of these things always seems to be ignored. Seems to be pushed aside, because my mind tells me, there isn’t enough time to do it all. There isn’t enough time.

Yet I find I waste so much time living inside of my mind. Going back and forth. Back and forth. Debating if I have enough time or not, that I might as well have focused on whatever it is that I want to be doing and I would have accomplished at least half of that task by the time my mind made a decision!

I only know one cure for this. Only one cure. BEING PRESENT. When I say being present I mean being in the moment. Getting away from all of those ridiculous stories that are occurring within your mind and just focusing on what is on hand. I am writing this entry. I am focusing on this entry.

I am at the gym. I am present in my movements, in my workout. I am with my Nonna. I am present in the conversation that I am having with her. It is often so easy to be physically somewhere, yet your mind is somewhere else.

To be doing something and then leave, completely unaware that you have just engaged in whatever it is that you were doing. This happens because you were never even present. You were always inside of your mind.

Learning how to be the controller of your own life, takes some work. It will take some changes. It is going to take discipline. Your body and mind are so used to functioning a certain way. As if they are machines which are on automatic.

Engaging in the same type of behavior that they were doing just one day prior. Don’t get mad at yourself for that, this is normal. Our mind is like a muscle that needs strengthening. I find that trying to learn how to be present can provide enormous results to your life and your mind.

In the same way that doing crunches can do for your abs. You are training that muscle to move a certain way. Day-by-day your abs will get stronger, the same occurs within your mind.

A good way to start practicing whether or not you are present, is by doing the following.

When you take a shower, do you actually feel that you are getting wet? Do you feel what the water feels like on your skin? When you wash your hair can you feel what your hair feels like? All soapy! I know this sounds a bit silly but for years, I would hop in the shower and be thinking about the 43842789372 things I had to do once I got out.

I was never ever present. Never. Ever. In anything that I did.  At work I would be thinking about one thing. At school I would be thinking about something else. A lot of what I tended to think about was what others might have been thinking of me.

Or about how I didn’t think I was good enough. Or about what I had to get completed once I left that place. That’s why I find practicing this ‘becoming present’ tool in the shower is a perfect place to start. You are alone. There is no one to distract you. Try to listen to where you mind goes. To what it says. Maybe it talks about something from the past.

Maybe it’s planning for something in the future. Maybe it’s talking about how it doesn’t want to do what it has to do once you exit the shower. Whatever it is, whatever it says. Listen. Take Notice. This is also a great way to recognize and see where your mind probably goes when you are in other areas of your life. School. Work. Out with friends.

I found that for me this was one of the first huge steps in becoming the controller of my own life. Our minds are often on autopilot that we don’t even realize what we are saying to ourselves all day long. What we say to ourselves has a profound impact on our moods, our decisions, our behaviors and the overall way in which we feel about ourselves.

To me learning how to stay present is the only real thing that I can control. I can choose to be in my head listening to make believe stories of what-ifs and maybes. But I don’t want to be there anymore. Everything it tends to focus on is out of my control. So I can choose to take a deep breathe. Feel the inhale through my nose and feel the exhale through my mouth. Look around me and be present in what it is that I am doing.

This is a challenge. This is definitely a challenge that I truly believe we would all benefit from doing. I have been trying to live my life this way for a few years now. It’s hard work.

Very hard work. As our minds tend to try to suck us back in. Get us to obsess about this or become fixated on that. To think about the past or plan for the future. I am not saying anyone is ever going to not think about the past or plan for the future, as that is a normal part of life.

However, I believe that it shouldn’t have the power to allow us to miss out on what is life right now! On the current moment. On the only thing that we really have any real power and control over. Choosing to be present.

Don’t you want to be the controller of your own life?? Rather than having life keep controlling you?? Choose to be present. I promise you things will begin to change.

 

PS – Let me know your thoughts around this!

Paula Galli, Hons. BSc. Psych, CNP, RNCP, ROHP