I grabbed my little white book with pink hearts all over it and opened it up to the first page. I saw the information that I had entered from the last time I dieted and gave up…
A Note to Self – Paula Galli, November 30, 1999
12 Years Old…
Can I really do this, this time? I have already tried this thing two times. Well, whatever. It doesn’t matter. This is a fresh start. Okay, so it is almost the day. I am going to lose all of my weight, my curves will shrink and then I will look like everyone else. I will be skinnier and be a better dancer because dancers are supposed to be skinny. Now it is time to enter all of the important information.
Current weight: 112. Last time I did this I was 107.
How have I gained weight? This isn’t fair. Well, I am glad that I am going on a diet again. Obviously it is needed. Obviously I just keep getting fatter and fatter. I think December 1st is a good time to start and that is tomorrow. I got this diet book from the library. I have never used one of these before – usually I just ate less and tried to make healthier choices. If I follow what this book says for a month, I will lose all the weight I want. Twelve pounds isn’t that much weight. This is going to be so easy. In one month, I will look like everyone else. By January 1st, 2000 my body will be like all the girls I want to look like. Thin legs. Small breasts. Tiny waist. I can’t wait until I am no longer curvy. Until I am so skinny. Until I look absolutely perfect. I can’t wait!
While February is the month of love, it is also dedicated to Eating Disorder Awareness. I am (and have always been) passionate about spreading awareness around Eating Disorders because I know too well how silence is one of the most deadly symptoms when it comes to this issue.
As you can read from the entry above, I too was silent for over a decade of my life. Sitting with my internal struggles around food and my body, all the while convincing myself that my way of thinking was just “normal”. The truth was, it wasn’t “normal” nor was it leaving me authentically happy.
I’ve dedicated this week’s blog entry to help anyone who is suffering with issues around food & their body. If you are ready to learn how to use your REAL VOICE and begin to not only SPEAK UP for yourself, but love yourself, inside & out, then I invite you to read my tips on how to do so below.
(1)Food Is Actually A Form Of Love
Plan and simple, calories are not a bad thing, they are in food to provide you with energy to live. This is really easy for me to think and say now, because I have “seen the light” so to speak, but for too many years I was living in the darkness. Food was anything but love; it was stress, anxiety, pleasure, guilt, shame and confusion. So I get how this new way of thinking isn’t just so easy to believe. For any of you that are seeing food through this negative lens and are ready to begin to shift, I invite you to begin to challenge those thoughts. Remind yourself that within food are nutrients, nutrients that are meant to nourish your cells, organs and ultimately your life. Those nutrients and calories are essential in order to truly love to live your life. Start working with these new thoughts each time your fear creeps up and remind yourself to listen to your body, as it is wiser then we often give it credit.
(2)Be Kind To Your Body It Is Pretty Damn Amazing
Your body is pretty damn amazing as it is. Do you tell it to go to the bathroom, or does it tell you when it is time? Do you ask it to digest your food, absorb the nutrients it needs and release what it doesn’t? Nope, didn’t think so. Do you ask it to walk, talk, dance, see, hear, smell, touch or does it do it for you? Rather than hating on your body for what it doesn’t look like, why don’t you try giving it some love and gratitude for a change. Have you ever thought that maybe once you become friends with your body it will begin to work for you rather than against you? I have and am living proof that that is the truth. How could I have ever expected my body to change, grow, feel better, get stronger when I treated it like crap. If someone treated me poorly I wouldn’t want to do what they told me, I would rebel, and I believe our bodies are just like that. Be kind to your body and see what happens.
(3)Question Your Own Beliefs & Opinions
Have you ever really thought about where your current belief’s came from? What I mean by this is often times individuals who are dealing with issues around food and their bodies believe that being skinnier = being hotter, smarter, more successful etc. My question for you is, where did those thoughts come from? Who engrained that in your mind? Were you born thinking that way about yourself or was this something you learned along the way and believed was the truth? By asking yourself these types of questions and really going within to uncover their truth, you can begin to choose which beliefs you want to hold on to and which ones you want to work on shifting and letting go. Remember, YOU and YOU ALONE, are the only person that can work on shifting your mindset. It is often difficult to do this work alone, so I invite you to work with a Coach and/or Counsellor who is trained in this area to help you begin to change your way of thinking. Once your mindset shifts, so does your entire life, I swear to you on that one.
(4)Those Negative & Critical Thoughts You Think Are NOT The Real You
I don’t have much to say about this one except this – You weren’t born talking negatively about yourself which to me is an indication that isn’t the real you. Any negative and critical thoughts and beliefs you currently have is all just the EGO, which is ultimately FEAR, standing for FLASE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. I know it feels like those thoughts are the truth, but the truth is we weren’t born hating ourselves, look at a baby and remind yourself of who you truly are. Your work lies on not listening to those critical thoughts and shifting your mindset where which patience, forgiveness and love are at the foundation.
(5)Get Quiet & Listen To The Voice Within
As I mentioned earlier, your body is much wiser then we often give it credit for. It knows when it is hungry and when it is full. Underneath all of the chitter chatter that takes place within our minds there is another voice. A voice so powerful and amazing you will be disappointed you didn’t hear it sooner. This voice is the essence of your soul, the person that you were born to be and actually born as in this world. Yet, through your upbringing and physical experience, this powerful voice got pushed down, diminishing its light, power, wisdom and authenticity. The great part is that this voice has never left you, it has been simply waiting for you to awaken it and believe in its words. Try your best to quiet your mind and take a listen within, you will be amazed what you find inside. The real you.
I hope this blog has helped you begin to shift your mindset and speak out for yourself, by learning how to connect back and use your REAL voice. Like anything in life, repetition is what helps us truly learn something and this type of internal work is no different. By practicing these exercises daily you are taking the steps towards positively speaking out for yourself and your body like they deserve.
